I was wrong

Yes, read that title again. I admit it, I was wrong.

What was I wrong about? Well, I'll explain.

I've been in small UK towns quite a fair bit in my life. And they all had the same thing in common - come pub closing time (which was 11pm) the town centres would all morph from being slightly sleepy, non descript environs into something more akin to Michael Jackson's Thriller video. Gangs of very pissed up lads and ladettes would roam the streets, urinating in doorways, eating kebabs and puking in taxis. And yes, I was one of them between the ages of 16-20. Because of my experiences I thought the introduction of 24 hour licensing would be an utter disaster - yes, I used to say to my fellow inner city latte drinking friends, in London it will be fine. But in Watford? Please.

The English have an all consuming innate desire within them to get fucked, blotto, smashed, mullered, spangled, blind, hammered, pissed. No other country has as many words to describe the age old pleasure of getting drunk. And for this reason I thought that the extension of opening hours would simply lead to people getting MORE drunk and causing more chaos -Never underestimate the English capacity for immaturity and hedonism! We aren't like continental types, quaffing red wine over a coq au vin in some quaint courtyard in Bordeaux. We are a nation of Dazzas and Traceys whose idea of a good night out is going down to Yates, sinking 20 slippery nipples for a fiver and then going onto dance to Bon Jovi at Chasers with another 10 bottles of 'breezer to help them on their way.

I just couldn't see these people going 'well, now the pub is open till 4am I'll take it a bit easier and spread my 20 alcopops over 10 hours instead of 5.' I could only see a world in which they would think '5 more hours of drinking? Fuck! That's like 20 more drinks to be drunk!' And the result would be more alcohol consumed, more vomiting and more riot vans needed on Watford High Street.

However, this has not happened. As Andrew O'Hagan points out today in his Telegraph column it appears that crime has fallen since the liberalisation of the laws and the whole thing seems to have been a massive success. Well, fuck me sideways. It appears that when English people are treated like adults they actually act like adults. Who could have foreseen that development?

I admit that based on this evidence we English seem to be more responsible than I ever thought possible. But then I came across this and it raised a wry smile. God bless the English!