Thursday, September 28, 2006

Latte Zero

After the wife made a less than complimentary remark about the quantity of grabbable fat I have round my middrift I have decided that it's time to take a stand and start taking drastic action to curb my increasingly large belly. Sacrifices have to be made.

From today it's low fat milk in coffee for me all the way. Not a big step I grant you but there's no way on Earth I could even countenance the idea of not having my daily chocolate bar or not having my weekly take away or reducing the quantity of beer I drink. So the only room I can see for a less gluttonous life is to reduce the amount of fat I have in my daily cappuccino.

Except there is a problem. And that's the name given by coffee places to their low fat offerings: the 'skinny' latte or 'skinny' cappuccino.

Now, I don't know what it is but I just can't think of that name without images of that skinny bitch Nicole Ritchie coming into my head or some vapid Californian bimbo ordering coffee in some god awful Beverley Hills cafe. It's just so...feminine. How many men do you know order 'Skinny' coffees? It just sounds wrong coming out of male lips. I meekly asked for a low fat cappuccino this morning as I couldn't bare saying the words.

Surely there are lots of men who need to lose a few kilos who'd like to order a coffee without sounding like a presenter of Queer Eye For the Straight Guy?

So I propose a new manly name for low fat coffee - Latte Zero. It worked with Coca Cola, who realised just how feminine Diet Coke was so bought out a butch version instead. Now is the time for the same thing to happen to coffee.


Dee said...

I usually ask for a latte with skim milk.

Of course they then have to state that they only have semi-skim, to which I reply "that's fine".

But then I also refuse to be drawn into the various coffee houses ridiculous names for 'small' 'medium' or 'large', and thus refer to my morning coffee as a medium.

It's a small victory, but a daily one.

discostu said...

Fact: Ordering low-fat anything is girly. Call it a Latte Zero if you want, but IMO you may as well just start wearing a bra. ;)

Stevie said...

Quality post mate, I could just see you ordering that 'low fat latte'.
I've come to a compromise with myself.
I drink my coffee black now unless it's purchased from a shop/cafe/stand, then it's full fat cow juice, at home, at a mates or if it's free, I have to have it black;)